Expect a lot more in Hellga vision

Season 2 of American Gladiators premieres in less than 24 hours. Rejoice!

To get you pumped up, I thought I'd show you a little preview.

Titan is back. Hooray? I don't know what it is about this dude, but I just can't really get into him. Actually, I do know what it is. He creeps me out something fierce. Titan looks like a Ken doll. As if he's made out of plastic. And I'm pretty sure if you pulled his pants down, he'd be UN-anatomically correct, just like a real Ken doll. No dick. No balls. Not even a vagina. Just skin. MAYBE some unremovable white briefs if he's lucky, but under those, just skin.

He actually reminds me of another orange creature that looks like they're made of plastic and candle wax and would melt if exposed to extreme heat, Daisy from Rock of Love!

Isn't the resemblance uncanny? They could be sisters. Or not. Bad example. Maybe this will better illustrate my point.

See it now? I told you. They're practically the same person. And isn't it reassuring to know that Daisy could seamlessly replace Titan if we needed her to?

Next video.

I'm going to have to break this one down by Gladiator.

Militia tells us to forget about cee-cin one. Does this dude even speak english? I'm not quite clear on about half of what he said. I'm also thinking he might not be a legal citizen, just because he puts up with that stupid strap across his chest that seems like it would be really annoying, especially in competition. And why else would you deal with that, UNLESS of course the producers were threatening to deport you unless you wore their retarded chest sash thing. Definitely something to ponder.

He also proclaims that coming back to Gladiators is like a gift from god, and I think he's actually serious. Dude, I don't really think god gives a crap whether you're on American Gladiators or not. He clearly has bigger fish to fry. Besides, it's too violent for him anyway. God's clearly more of a sitcom kind of guy. Two and a Half Men and Everybody Loves Raymond reruns for him, thank you very much.

Crush comes across as completely inarticulate, explaining that "if they're small they might be quick, and if they're big they might be strong, or they might be quick too". Really Crush? How... insightful. Who really cares what she says though, Crush is the hottest thing since sliced bread. As long as she keeps looking pretty and beating bitches asses, she can say whatever the hell she wants. And I'll give her a pass on this one considering she provided my favorite quote of the entire first season, "It wasn't a kick, it was a step". I think I'm in love with Crush. Me and every other male and female watching this stupid show.

Hellga states that we should expect a lot more in Hellga vision (that's for sure). I'm not sure what that means exactly, but now I'm expecting it, so she better deliver or else I will be terribly disappointed. Hellga is such a bad ass, what with her deep, scary man voice and all. I'm really curious as to why she sounds so dudely. Does she have a man junk? Is it from years of roid abuse? Or did god just royally fuck her over? (Maybe he did and now he put her on the show along with Militia to make up for it.) I don't know which it is, but I do know that she's more of a man than Titan will ever be. She should totally replace him on the mens side.

 

That is if Daisy's unavailable.

I really do love Hellga though, dick and all. I think she has a pretty face, although not so much in that video or that picture. But sometimes she does. If she sounded like a girl and wasn't so gigantic, I'd probably do her.

For an awesome video of Hellga being Hellga, check this out.

To check out a two and a half minute preview of the new season, peep this.

And for more Gladiator info, check out American Gladiators Blog, American Gladiator Girls, or the official NBC site.

Check back Wednesday for a recap of the first episode. Can't wait.   

Comments

[Insincerity at it's finest.]

I was a little dissapointed that there has been no "American Gladaitors" covergage from after the much-hyped and anticipated summer premiere. I was curious to see what you thought of VERTIGO (I thoroughly enjoyed it...) Jet, Phoenix...Legless Wonder...the whole 9 yards. Helga looked amazing, don't you all agree? Impressive. That beautiful boy.
I'll be checking back for some AG Coverage--give the people what they want!
Sincerely,
C

[digitalbohemian]

Thanks for being the first comment.
And I'm working on the recap of the first hour as we speak. This shit doesn't write itself, you know. Check back rather soon.